You might think that as an avid reader of science fiction I would be thrilled to be alive at a time when private enterprise can realistically propose a one-way trip to Mars for a “lucky” group of would-be reality TV stars.
Well, I’m not. In fact, I’m thoroughly unimpressed. Unimpressed enough to write this post on a blog I haven’t updated in almost a year.
Let’s talk about hubris.
Plenty of space programmes have been called hubristic in the past, but I have always maintained that seeking a greater understanding of our immediate cosmic environment is a good thing, that it’s worth it. Voyager 1, for example, had a launch-day cost of US$250 million. Expensive, yes, but every day it spends out in the void sending back data decreases its cost-to-byte ratio. At the moment, it “costs” the taxpayer around US$20,000 per day; the same price as a night in New York's Plaza Hotel. Not bad for something that has taught humanity more about the Solar System than any other scientific investigation in history – and certainly better than the cost of the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars, which rack up US$20,000 every 15 seconds or so and have taught humanity absolutely nothing except, maybe, how to destroy itself more efficiently. No, the purpose of this piece is not to shit on the exploration of space or scientific endeavour in general.
The purpose of this piece of writing is to shit, very specifically, on Mars One – the most irredeemably stupid idea that I have ever had the displeasure of being alive to hear about.
Why? Because apart from the technological impossibility of such a mission (which you can read about in the 9 March 2013 issue of New Scientist), spending US$6 billion putting four humans on another planet is wasteful and vain. Now, before you argue that it helps further humanity and so forth, let’s look at what US$6 billion actually means. The cost of Mars One is the same as the GDP of Rwanda. That’s the total productivity of 11 million people over the course of a year, just to get four of these paragons of the species to a small plastic room on an airless desert planet 78 million kilometres away. Even if we look at it as an opportunity to be rid of people whose primary selling point as astronauts is a standard of personal hygiene on the level of a 10th-century peasant, shipping them into space is almost certainly overkill.
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| Meet star applicant Chad. He works at McDonald's. |
“Wait a minute,” you might say. “Money is being wasted left and right all the time. Americans spend US$25 billion each year taking care of their lawns and I don’t see you complaining about that. For once private enterprise is paying for something awesome and you’re pooping the party!” Well, yeah, you’re right. I am pooping the party. Because when the status quo is so phenomenally bad, it’s no time for a fucking party!
That's all Mars One is: some rich idiot's pot-valiant rigadoon, and the most extravagantly wasteful project ever proposed in the entire history of unforgivable bullshit. The arrogance and solipsism required to conceive a multi-billion-dollar manned mission to another planet after what we’ve done to this one is astonishing. Here’s what it’s costing us on a daily basis to deal with our current needs: an average of 27 oil spills, desertification of 40,000 acres of arable land, the death of 22,000 children due to malnutrition, 500 tonnes of plastic dumped into the ocean, and the extinction of 5 species of life. On top of these environmentalist favourites, we’re still persecuting people for their sexual preferences, gender and race, killing each other for the sake of Bronze Age superstitions, strategically marginalising indigenous populations the world over, over-exploiting every single natural resource available to us, and failing to even properly feed or educate the First World! As a species – and that’s how the Mars One team wants us to look at ourselves – we’re the man so fixated on the best way to spend the treasure from Pharaoh’s tomb that he doesn’t see the whole place falling down around his head. And I’m sorry, but that’s not the kind of creature that is ready to go to Mars. Until women walking around covered head to toe on pain of death by stoning is as laughable an idea as phrenology, we don't deserve to leave.
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| Finished with Earth. Ready for Mars. |
I once had a friend who lived alone in his parents’ very large house. It had numerous bedrooms, all of which were more or less furnished. When his own bedroom became too much of a pigsty to live in anymore, he just moved into a new room. And when that became unlivable, he switched again. And so on and so forth. Is this reasonable behaviour? No, it’s obviously not, and even a child could tell you why: because it’s unsustainable. Is he going to move house when all the rooms are filthy? No. He’s going to call in cleaners to get the house in order. So why is it OK when it comes to the planet?
Yes, yes. I’m aware that we’re not all moving to Mars, but judging by the sheer volume of interest Mars One has generated since its launch in June of 2012, you’d swear that most of us couldn’t wait to make the switch. Implicit in the call for volunteers for a one-way journey is the assumption that people’s dreams have moved on, that widespread First-World hopelessness and apathy is incurable. No longer are we being encouraged to imagine a world where clean drinking water is available to all – we’re being asked to imagine a world where clean drinking water is flown in at the expense of thousands of dollars per litre. Is it even possible to accept that fact at the same time as espousing compassion for the impoverished? I don't think so. It’s all very well to open the project to “all nationalities”, but when 80% of the world’s population lives on less than US$10 per day, I suspect most people would see some rich twit offering them the opportunity to live in a 38%-gravity bubble as an irrelevant and insulting absurdity.
I’m no bleeding heart. I am as much a part of this system as anyone else is. And I'm aware that there are plenty of other examples of greed and selfishness much closer to home that I could complain about. But that's the point; those problems are right here with us already, and, as everyone should be, I’m content reap the whirlwind. Maybe if we’d done the right thing by this place, this Mars One nonsense and other such rectum-derived projects would be a logical next step for the human race. As it stands, however, all immigration to Mars is looking like to me is the failed quarantine of a very nasty disease.
If there is any life already on the Red Planet, I feel sorry for it.
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